Using Kindness to Our Advantage: A Powerful Tool for Political Change

In the face of rising polarization and frustration over the current state of the country, it’s tempting to meet political opponents with anger, sarcasm, or outright dismissal. But what if the most effective strategy we have is also the most underestimated? What if kindness—not weakness, but deliberate, intentional kindness—could be the key to turning former Trump voters into powerful allies?

This isn’t just idealism. It’s backed by decades of research in political psychology and social behavior, showing that kindness, empathy, and respectful communication are far more effective at changing minds than shaming or confrontation. When people feel heard, respected, and unjudged, they become more open to reflection—and ultimately, change.

Identity, Not Just Ideology

Part of the challenge lies in understanding how people process political information. For many, political identity is not just about policy—it’s about who they are. Studies like Fear and Loathing Across Party Lines (Iyengar & Westwood, 2015) show that partisan identity can be as powerful and emotionally charged as racial or religious identity. Once someone has tied their self-worth to a political figure, like Donald Trump, any criticism of him can feel like a personal attack.

That’s where kindness comes in. When someone starts to question their support for Trump, they may feel ashamed, isolated, or defensive. If we respond with mockery or scorn—“How could you have ever voted for him?”—we reinforce that shame and push them right back into the comfort of their old tribe.

Instead, if we respond with empathy—“I can see how his message might have sounded promising at the time”—we create space for honest conversation. We show them they’re not alone, and we signal that changing your mind isn’t something to be punished for, but respected.

Kindness Opens the Door to Change

Empathy isn’t just a feel-good concept—it works. The deep canvassing method, pioneered by researchers like Broockman and Kalla, involves long, respectful conversations that emphasize personal storytelling and active listening. In one landmark study, a single 10-minute conversation using this technique was enough to shift attitudes on transgender rights—and those changes lasted for months.

This method works because it builds trust. When we speak with kindness, we disarm the psychological defenses that otherwise keep people locked into their beliefs. Rather than triggering the “fight or flight” response, we invite reflection. We let people come to their own conclusions instead of forcing ours onto them.

This is echoed in real-world examples. Take Daryl Davis, a Black musician who has convinced over 200 Ku Klux Klan members to leave the group—not through debate, but through friendship. Or Derek Black, once a rising star in the white nationalist movement, who abandoned his beliefs after being gently welcomed into a group of Jewish classmates who showed him patience and respect, even knowing where he came from.

These stories are powerful not because the conversations were easy, but because someone chose to lead with kindness when it would’ve been easier to walk away—or fight.

Online Kindness Isn’t a Myth

Many believe the internet is a lost cause when it comes to civil discourse. And it’s true: online platforms often reward outrage more than empathy. But even here, kindness can be surprisingly effective.

Activist Megan Phelps-Roper, once a prominent member of the Westboro Baptist Church, credits her transformation to strangers on Twitter who engaged her not with hate, but with curiosity and compassion. Comedian Sarah Silverman once turned a Twitter troll into a friend simply by responding to his insult with empathy—and helping him get medical care.

These aren’t isolated miracles. They’re reminders that behind every comment, there’s a person—and that how we engage with that person can either close the door forever or crack it open.

What Kindness Isn’t

Let’s be clear: kindness doesn’t mean agreeing with harmful beliefs. It doesn’t mean excusing bigotry or injustice. It means engaging with people in a way that makes it more likely they’ll change—not less.

That means:

• Listening, not lecturing.
• Asking questions instead of assigning blame.
• Meeting people where they are, morally and emotionally.
• And yes, being patient even when we’re angry—because the goal isn’t to “win” a conversation, it’s to help someone grow.

Turning Regret into Action

As the consequences of Trump-era politics continue to unfold, more people may find themselves regretting their vote—but unsure where to turn. If we meet them with hostility, they may retreat. But if we welcome them with empathy, they may become some of our strongest advocates. People who change their minds often fight even harder for what’s right, precisely because they know how easy it is to get swept up in the wrong.

Kindness isn’t just about being nice. It’s about being strategic. It’s about using every tool we have to build the kind of coalition that can turn the tide. In this moment, when so much is at stake, kindness may be our most radical, most persuasive weapon.

Let’s use it.